sleep deprived mood

I woke up this morning in a mood....not one that's easy to explain. but imagine getting a good nights sleep from 9ish till 12:30ish and then being up about once an hour from then on until finally at 5:45 you pull yourself out of bed....that's the kind of night I had and it put me in a mood! I want to go back to bed sooo much but knowing that this day isn't going to work itself tells me that's not an option!

I got to thinking last night, and many of you might know about the miscarriage but you might not know the whole story so I think in the next few days if I can compose myself I'll write about it. It brings me anxiety talking about it but its something I live with day in and day out and am learning new ways of being able to cope with it.

many people say time heals all wounds...I'd like to see how they would deal with  a tragic loss. time heals no wounds. time allows for healing, time allows for the pain the be buried by the fact that life goes on with or without you and you have other things that need to be done. time allows you to function like a human again after a loss but time heals nothings. time makes coping easier. you never truly heal from a tragic incident. its scientifically proven. you are altered you are never the same. you have changed and thus will never be the same that you were before.

today my life is not the same that it was before September 11th 2012 that day it changed for the better. and today my life is CERTAINLY no where near what I though it would be after October 28th 2012 that day changed my life for the worse.

one of the few good things that has come from the loss is that D and I have grown closer. He has suffered right along with me. He has been such an amazing husband that I'm not sure what I would do without him most days he's the one that encourages me to keep on pushing through the pain. He is my light into the darkness that tries to take over my mind. He is my will. but that is only because of his love for Christ. D has changed so much in our almost 6 years together and I am so proud of the man he has become. His relationship with God is one I cherish. He has helped me grow into a better Christian and has helped me when I've struggled to understand our cruel world.

well this work day isn't going to work itself....reality beckons....

P.S. - I don't read these before I publish them. they are my raw feelings, the things that are going through my mind and are escaping just as quickly as I can type the words together. so if things are messy or make no sense that's just a little glimpse into my mind!! ;)

                                               LOVE